For the last week I have been taking data to measure the ratio of positive to negative interactions I am having with each of my two children. I've taken data for an hour most days, concentrating on times of day that have historically been the most difficult. I have to admit, initially I did reach my goal of 20 positive interactions with each child in an hour. However, I did not initially reach my goal of
having 8 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction (negative being anytime I redirected or corrected their behavior). I persisted and got better at ignoring inconsequential behaviors that just didn't need to be addressed (and better than reached my goal)! I noticed that as I've worked on this, our home has become a more positive place. I love that some of the difficult times of the day (such as dinner preparation time) became a happy time, full of recognizing the good actions of my children. And what do you know? It's gotten easier and easier to do! I am pleased! It is disappointing that as parents, sometimes we slide into behaviors that we know are not effective and efficient (such as paying too much attention to negative behaviors and not enough attention to positive behaviors). However, I'm confident that the more effort we put in, the more automatic it will become.I've also taken some good baseline data on some troubling behaviors. The data are not complete so I'll report on those later. For now, just know that I'm taking it and I'll get back to you!
Later this week I'm heading out to the Association for Behavior Analysis International Convention in Phoenix, AZ. It is an absolute data-geek fest and I eagerly look forward to it every year. I'll report back on new information I take in while I'm there! In the meantime, happy data collecting!
Posts
Hi! I've enjoyed reading your blog posts. Do your kids know that you experiment on them? =) I love the idea of gathering data to give parents perspective on their children's behavior and to help keep emotional biases in check. I think I might give this a try. Do you think you could email me your spreadsheets when you get a chance? I"ll send you a message w/ my email address. I do have 2 questions for you.
ReplyDelete1. From a cultural perspective we are products of our environment and the parenting techniques of our parents and predessors. How do we as parents reinvent the wheel? Would behavior analysis be best applied to parents first, then children? Even though I've been a huge supporter of positive parenting techniques, been involved w/ La leche League, and coop preschools that were paerenting classes through the school district, I still struggle. I'll use myself as an example- In the heat of the moment with my kids- it takes enourmous effort to not criticize, yell, or lose my temper. When emotions run high, parents often revert to behaviors they swore off when they started their families. Would data collection, analysis, and interventions be best used on parents first? Or does it matter?
2. The next question is an extension of the first. What role do peers and family (granparents, siblings, etc) play in the acceptance of interventions and theraputical changes as well as the long term maintenance of positive behaviors? So an example that I commonly run into with breastfeeding moms is lack of family/peer support for brestfeeding (they are the first in their immediate family or peer groups to attempt it). These moms struggle to nurse their babies and often quit when they do not have the external support for their internal desires. Another example is with positive parenting techniques- is it important to have external peer or familial support to successfully apply these techniques? I found it easier to appply them in CA & OR when I had a lot of support, but in AZ, not so much and it is a greater challenge.
Hope you have a great time in Phoenix. Let me know the next time you come out there, we'll be back in October.
Des
Des,
ReplyDeleteDoesn't all of our parenting seem like an experiment? :) Let me try to answer your questions.
1. This was a great question! While I, personally, do believe that children "come with personality", I do believe that many of their behaviors are a product of their environment. Since most young children spend the majority of their time with their parents, I'd say that we absolutely are the major "behavior shapers" in their environment. I think the language we use to describe "target behaviors" or concerns that we have influences the way we look them and your question is a good example of that. I mentioned in the posts that I have concerns about my children's behavior BUT the intervention I put in place targeted my behavior! I worked to change my interactions with my children, knowing that positive interactions would have a positive effect. Most of the time, when we see something we'd like to change in others, what we have to change is the environment and we have the most control over ourselves. That means that we can be the agent of change, and in doing so, change ourselves for the better.
2. I definitely think it is easier to "change" techniques in parenting (or anything else) when you have support. Sometimes though, it is easier to gain support after you have gained some success. Grandparents may be quick to punish, but once they've seen a more positive approach work (even in some small way), they may be more likely to either intervene in the same way or not "get in the way". Remember, it is easier to start small. Targeting everything you don't like about yourself or your environment will lead to frustration and burn-out. But when you start small and see little successes, you will be more likely to maintain the effort to improve.
Wow, I hope this helped. If not, well I am open for discussion! New post coming soon!
I just thought to check back and Yeah! You responded. Thanks for your information. I like how you approached the answer #1. I often think of my kids as my little mood barometers. If I am feeling stressed they are too and their behaviors are an amplified expression of the emotions in the house. Interesting analysis.
ReplyDelete